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Dec 30 2011
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General, Technology, Twitter

Keyboard warriors aren’t what they used to be

A long time ago I had a yellow Fiat Punto. It was the exact same colour as my hair at the time, as my best man took great delight in explaining to our wedding guests. The car was what your parents would call a ‘souped-up’ edition with a turbo that propelled it forward like the Starship Enterprise and a suspension system which would do its level best to kill you if you dared attempt any type of corner.

As a result of owning the car and knowing no better, I joined the Punto owners club forum and set about arguing with as many people as possible. For no reason at all.

I was young, full of (incorrect) opinions on everything I didn’t know anything about and, crucially, hidden behind my keyboard, like a soldier crouching behind a sandbag. I was safe and could toss literary grenades at anyone who dared disagree with me.

The most memorable of arguments involved car air conditioning. No, really, stick with me. I argued that turning it on did not affect fuel economy, or engine power. I screamed about it in italics until several keys pinged off my keyboard. I’d used it for years, I said, and had never noticed a drop in either my MPG or less oomph when giving my right foot the beans. I was right and everyone else – including car manufacturers and respected motoring journalists – was totally wrong.

Only, I knew I was talking out of my backside. I was arguing for the sake of it. More worryingly, I was also getting deeper and deeper into a topic I knew literally nothing about. To make matters worse, my opponent did know what he was talking about and, to my horror, began detailing exactly how air conditioning works in cars and why it has adverse effects.

I can’t remember how it ended, but it probably involved lots of expletives and meaningless acronyms followed by a swift closure of Internet Explorer. That’s all I had. I was out of grenades.

It’s been a long time since I got involved in anything similar, but I spotted the following retweet from Chris Moyles earlier today:

RT“@BrightNomad: lots of decent new music; just doesn’t get played by subhuman scum like @CHRISDJMOYLES” Merry Christmas to you too

I decided to check this BrightNomad chap out. I spotted he’d tweeted over 38,000 times which is pretty heroic in the world of social media. And when I say ‘heroic’ I actually mean catastrophically depressing. Bearing in mind Twitter only started in 2006, if we hypothetically suggest BrightNomad joined back then, he has tweeted, on average, twenty times a day, every day, for five years. That’s a lot of tweets, even for people with not very many friends at all.

His timeline was full of replies to people who had presumably tweeted him after seeing Moyles’ retweet. So, I thought I’d do the same and kindly point out what a terrible waste he was making of the wonderful tool that is Twitter.

What follows is a transcript of our conversation:

Mark Ellis: I suggest you read your timeline, although I’ll warn you – it makes pretty pathetic reading. Is this what social media is for?

Martin: I suggest you fuck off. Try it.

Mark Ellis: brilliant. How old are you, 12? And… Try what? Come on, you can do better with that keyboard. Hit me.

Martin:  you have trouble fucking off then? Hardly surprising #MoylesScum really don’t know when to fuck off.

Mark Ellis: I’m just not sure where to go. I’m sat at my desk at work. If I leave, I’ll get sacked. ‘MoylesScum’? Please explain. And before you think I’m being a smart arse, I’m genuinely intrigued. A quick scan of your blog shows you’re a literate chap.

Martin: OK I apologise. You’re clearly not #MoylesScum that was a determined polite question & respect that.

I’ll be honest, I expected a bit more from him. Had this been on the Punto forum we’d be arguing into the early hours. Not so. Perhaps Martin and myself are of a similar age and therefore beyond that type of behaviour, but as far as keyboard duels go, the above is pretty pathetic.

I hereby withdraw my sword. I will not fight another battle.

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Oct 28 2011
1 Comment
Apple, General, iPhone, Technology

Gay me up, Scotty

Siri

I fancied a cup of tea the other day. So, without further ado, and taking fully into account that I was a recently married man and therefore allowed to request such things from my better half, asked for one.

The method with which I did so was more Star Trek than Jim Royale. Rather than scratching my arse, leaning back in the chair and barking my orders, I picked up my new iPhone 4S and asked it to send my wife a text message. Hey, this is 2011, I thought. Using new technology to ask my wife to do something I could quite easily do myself makes it far less chauvinistic and almost acceptable. Classy, even. I was quite pleased with my decision to do so, I’m not going to beat around the bush. Perhaps I would single-handedly change social politics forever. It felt like a big moment. Game changing.

What was neither classy nor acceptable, however, was the resulting text message Lindsey received which read, ‘Can I have another pussy please?’.

Quite how it substituted the homely sound of ‘tea’ for the rather more guttural ‘pussy’ I have no idea. Needless to say, she wasn’t particularly impressed.

Realising I needed to salvage the situation and try to avoid an instant annulment, I decided to tell my wife how much I loved her. That would sort it out. And, again, I wouldn’t need spoken words. Technology was my new friend and my harnessing of both it and the art of love would render me the type of husband all blokes aspire to be. I’d probably end up on Wikipedia, or something.

Once again, I turned to my phone and gently asked it to send my loved one a brief but ever-lasting sentence which confirmed she meant the world to me.

I shouldn’t have.

‘I love your ex,’ read the resulting text.

In approximately 5 minutes I’d managed to paint myself as a chauvinistic, sex-demanding homosexual. And all thanks to my new phone.

Siri is the real culprit here. It is a voice recognition system like no other, if you believe the Apple hype. Rather than issue pre-defined, scripted orders, you can have conversations with it. ‘It knows what you mean,’ boasts their website.

Clearly, it doesn’t always know what you mean. Yes, it’ll tell me what the weather isn’t going to do tomorrow (I’ve never once read an iPhone weather report that can reliably predict the future), allow me to set timers and inform me of what meetings I have next Wednesday. But when it comes to text messaging, it just does not have a clue what I’m talking about. More worryingly, it appears to be constantly questioning my sexuality.

Take the other night, when I wanted to let Lindsey know I was running late on the way home from work. I asked it to tell her that very fact but, instead, it responded with, ‘Mark, do you want me to confirm that Steven White is your wife?’. Much sweaty-fingered fumbling and bashing of the ‘cancel’ button ensued. As I was driving at the time, this somewhat diminished the most obvious (only?) advantage of Siri – allowing you to send text messages whilst maintaining control of a motor vehicle. Instead, I almost confirmed I was married to a man I only know through weekly 5-a-side football and very nearly crashed legs-first into an elderly passer by. I never thought I’d do either of those things and certainly not at the same time.

In all fairness, Siri is clearly labeled as ‘beta’, which essentially means it isn’t ready for public consumption. This is unusual of Apple but shows how excited they are by the new feature which is, joking apart, pretty impressive. That said, it does seem that it’s early appearance is perhaps more intended to impress with it’s potential and, more often than not, amuse with it’s rather poor grasp of it’s master’s dialect.

Thankfully, I’m not alone in my Siri scrapes. At 11:30pm the other night, Lindsey attempted to push the capabilities of the software as far as I’d imagine they’re willing to go by asking, ‘What is on this season’s catwalk?’ I immediately chortled, suggesting it wouldn’t have a clue. My amusement was short lived, though – and not because it dutifully gave a Gok Wan-like run down of the colours and shapes we should all aspire to be wearing – no, because, in response, it proceeded to call someone else I occasionally play football with.

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Oct 05 2011
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Apple, In the news, iPhone, Technology

No 5

As dust bales roll through the digital streets of the once dense, sarcasm- and expletive-strewn jungle that is TheBoyEllis Blog, I can confirm that I am still alive. Postaweek2011 appears to have claimed its next victim (I’d imagine there’s been a fair few) after a heady month that was dominated by marriage, associated celebrations and the much-needed holidaying that follows.

Concerned I had little to write about, I thought I may have struck gold last week after our dealings with the housing market; firstly attempting to buy a new house from a builder via a part exchange scheme and, after that predictably failed miserably, deciding to put our house on the market and buy an older place. This sounded like perfect source material, until I realised I could only really muster one sentence describing the whole affair, which is:

No one in the housing market knows what they’re talking about.

And that’s not much of a blog, is it?

Yesterday, however, Apple rolled into town in all its grandiose, questionable statistic chomping glory and delivered the perfect excuse for me to pick up the digital pen once again.

I bought an iPhone 4 pretty much as soon as it came out. Because I’m stupid. But, in my defence, it was brilliant. The ‘retina’ screen looked like those fake photos of screens mobile phone shops place on the handsets in store, such was its vibrancy and crystal, seemingly pixel-free clarity. Only, it wasn’t a photo – it was actually the screen, which you could touch and watch respond. Just as when I first played with an iPhone, it felt like I was in Star Trek (being a child of the 80s, it doesn’t take a huge amount to get me excited).

Then, I, along with the millions who had also flocked to buy the precision engineered slice of metal and glass, attempted to make a phone call. This proved difficult because, as we were to find out, in order to make a successful call without the signal dropping, we had to hold the phone as though we were holding a piece of dog poo against our ear; a kind of ginger, two-fingered affair which ensured we didn’t accidentally create a bridge between two pieces of the ‘ground-breaking’ external antenna which must never be joined. If they become one, the result is a bit like when you cross lightsabre beams, only three million times more boring.

Apple then embarked on an uncharacteristic and creepily frantic attempt to prove that other phones do the exact same thing. Several videos appeared on their website of someone (Mr Jobs?) squeezing various models of Blackberrys and Android phones to prove that they too lose their signal when ‘held incorrectly’. Clearly realising that what they were doing was akin to a drunken ex-boyfriend bashing his genitalia against his former girlfriend’s front door in an attempt to prove it is as adequate as that by which it has been replaced, the videos were soon removed.

Steve Jobs even had to make an unscheduled stage appearance to make sure everyone was aware it was their own fault and not Apple’s. He did so in typically nonchalant style, although he did concede that they’d all had to stay past chucking out time on several occasions to work on a reasonable excuse.

This was all very irritating at first, but we all soon realised that this was an iPhone and, as such, its inadequacies as a phone (there are a number) do not matter. It is shiny and cool and Steve had quite clearly explained why we are all to blame. So, we stopped complaining and carried on playing with iFart.

Now, Apple have a new phone. With so many expecting the number 5 to make an appearance, it is no surprise that a collective sigh was exhaled after Apple simply added the letter ‘S’ to the end of the current product’s name.

Yes, now we have an iPhone 4S. It has the same A5 CPU that powers the iPad 2 and which will provide all of the unplayable first person shooter games on iOS with graphics that modern gaming consoles can only dream of. Web pages will open half a second quicker and the camera will no longer wait until Gaddafi has been captured, tried and beheaded before opening.

Ah, the camera. This is much better.  Once again managing to make fresh titfer out of old hat, 8MP stills and 1080P HD recording were the headlines, but Apple also went into minute detail about how they have achieved near-DSLR quality imagery with the addition of all manner of professional grade components and lenses.

After everyone had woken up, they went on to demonstrate Siri. This was their ‘just one other thing…’ moment. The bit we all wait for at Apple conferences.

Siri basically means you can talk to your phone and it will respond appropriately. Set tasks, reply to messages, find out how lunar space travel works. You name it – literally – and it’ll do it. The demo was, admittedly, very impressive.

Odd, then, that the only reason I can think I want an iPhone 4S is because it will finally allow me to replace my black iPhone 4 with a white one…

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Jul 31 2011
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General, Technology

Ten year glitch

I’m old enough to remember when there was no internet. When it eventually arrived, I quite happily put up with dial tones, bleeps and a three month wait – just to get connected. It was fun, almost.

Back then, a 56K modem was exciting. Today, if you connected a badger to a telephone line, it would provide a faster internet experience, but back when Kappa jackets were not chav accessories, 56K was Star Trek stuff.

I did a speed test on my BT line yesterday as I was concerned it was suddenly taking me three days to download the latest edition of The Times on my iPad. I was informed that the connection was barely achieving 0.2mbps. For people with friends, this means it’s rubbish. Our badger friend would chuckle at my result, spitting complex HTML5-laden websites out of its bottom every second.

The last time I checked, we were getting 6mbps.

So, for the first time in ten years, I had to call BT’s technical support line. I’ve heard some stories about these people, but never experienced them first hand because, to be perfectly fair, our broadband service has not faltered once in a decade.

The chap who answered my call was, as I have been led to expect, Indian. He was perfectly friendly and had a good grasp of the English language. And why shouldn’t he? I imagine many of the stories I’ve heard and have read probably came with a fair degree of misguided preconceptions.

He did a check on our landline. After quite a long time, this proved we had a landline. He then diverted me to speedtester.bt.com which asked me to say ‘yes’ to something, enter my telephone number and then click ‘submit’.

We both waited. No pleasantries were exchanged. Just slow, measured breathing on both our parts. We’d spent a fair amount of time together now – these were comfortable silences.

BT’s speedtester website looks like something I knocked up in 1995 when I first discovered Microsoft Front Page. It may well have been one of my creations, actually, because, after about twelve minutes, it said there was an error. The error was me, apparently – I’d tried the test more than once within an hour. I hadn’t.

We gave up, eventually. Tired, slightly emotional and, I suspect, marginally close to suggesting we go out for a beer, my new Indian friend suddenly exclaimed, ‘Mr Ellis, hang on. You had 20mb upgrade on eighteenth of the months. After ten days, your speed will be normal.’

Upgrade? I’ve had no upgrade, I tell him. But he was insistent. BT had kindly upgraded me but had failed to warn me about the ten day period when the connection would inexplicably soil itself and return to Neolithic speeds.

‘Perhaps they tried to ring and you were out,’ he offered. Bless him. He was trying to make me feel better.

But no, BT hadn’t bothered to tell me. So, rather than turning to the all-to-easy target of outsourced support operations, maybe its critics should look a little closer to home. Laughable diagnostic websites and woefully inadequate communication with its customers is a far bigger problem than some guy sitting in Bangladesh who is only allowed to run telephone line tests and apologise on their behalf.

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Jun 07 2011
5 Comments
Apple, In the news, iPad, iPhone, Technology

A cloudy day in PC world

WWDC 2011 - time for Apple to add a few more things they forgot at the outset

I got drunk a couple of years ago and signed up to MobileMe. It was a sixty day free trial so I figured there was little to lose.

Two months later, I got drunk again and forgot to cancel the subscription. Steve Jobs duly buried his hand into my trouser pocket and took £59. I couldn’t complain or ask for it back because I’d agreed to let him do so sixty days prior. I’d simply forgotten to cancel the trial and had chosen the expiry date to go out for a few beers. iWhoops.

He did the same thing a year later, although that time I was sober and had just resigned myself to the fact that he’d come along and relieve me of my hard earned every twelve months. Disclaimer: as much as I love Apple products, that is not a euphemism.

Then, a further year on, he didn’t bother. Instead, he took to a stage so large it could house three symphony orchestras to proclaim, quite simply, that MobileMe was in fact, utterly, totally, irreversibly shite.

And that was it. No ‘sorry’, or ‘here, have your £118 back’. Just a rare admission from the man who continues to reinvent everything (only to later add the important bits that were missing at the start via a series of updates) that one of their reinventions was ‘not our finest hour’.

I agree. It wasn’t even their finest fifteen minutes. MobileMe was, in principle, a good idea, if not a new one. It was expensive, though, and I am forever asking myself what I’m getting for £59. I have email, calendars and contacts synced between my various devices. I also have a 20GB iDisk which I occasionally put 40KB PDF files on. I used to have all that elsewhere and for free.

Still, MobileMe had cool graphics and the James Bond-like Find My iPhone which even featured a radar for the icon (that’s cool, right? Radars are definitely cool). Obviously, it wouldn’t find your iPhone – it would simply highlight a 20 mile radius in which it might be located. That’s not very useful. I could probably do the same thing myself just by thinking about it. But Find My iPhone had a green radar thing that swung around and beeped. So that made it all fine.

Anyway, I digress. Now we have iCloud which is free and a more rounded solution. But, as cool as it looks, that’s not what I want to talk about.

There was one word which seemed to permeate through the entire keynote address. It wasn’t preceded by an ‘i’, nor was it followed by the interminably irritating ‘it’s just beauuuutiful’ – a phrase Apple has even used to describe an email client’s reading pane.

The word was ‘PC’. Steve Jobs will occasionally point and laugh at this silly little acronym. In the past, he’s received a muffled guffaw from his adoring crowd as he highlights just how rubbish PCs are. How they have missed the point of personal computing entirely and continue to make each of our lives a living hell through their wrong approach to multi-tasking, wrong approach to security, poor hardware and for sleeping with our partners behind our backs.

Obviously, this is nonsense. PCs do work. They might not have the same pretty animations that Mac OS X has mastered so beauuuutifully, but they do a job and will continue to for the vast majority of home and business users on the planet Only, now, we’re being told that we can cut ourselves free of the PC. Snip through the digital umbilical cord, if you like. Apple even had a little icon for this.

Principally, they are referring to iOS 5 which includes the ability to wirelessly sync with iTunes and setup iOS devices without connecting them to a computer.

Of course, by ‘PC’ and the newly coined phrase ‘Post PC’, they are also referring to Macs (we’re not stupid, Steve) and it was encouraging to hear them ‘demote’ all devices – iPads, iPhones, laptops, desktops – to just that: devices. Bits of metal which can be setup independently and display all of the stuff we store on the cloud. Viewing panes into our remote, digital world. Nothing more. I like that.

I predict that, eventually, this will make complex operating systems a thing of the past. As Jobs noted, file systems are cumbersome and difficult for novices to get their heads around, yet they are the one thing we rely on almost every day. Why not let applications and web servers do the work? This premise is put to fantastic use in iOS.

I also predict, as I have noted to people in the past, that OS X will continue to turn into iOS. It’s happening already with Lion; full screen apps and Launchpad (iOS-esque app organisation) were present at yesterday’s demo. Those that need more functionality (and by that, I mean principally developers and bedroom tweakers [no laughing at the back]) will continue to have the tools they need to do their jobs via SDKs. But us, the everyday user? Cutting the link between ourselves, our devices and our desktop machines is just the start. I think the people at Apple gave us quite a significant glance into the future yesterday.

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Apr 27 2011
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Apple, In the news, iPhone, Technology

It’s ok to be complacent when technology is involved… isn’t it?

Image representing iPhone as depicted in Crunc...

iPhone. What's going on behind that screen?

BOOM! Apple are monitoring your movements. They’re tracking your every move and they possess a detailed history of every place you’ve ever visited with your iPhone.

Headlines similar to the scare-mongering guff above rang out from media outlets across the globe and, while most of the focus was on the sudden ability for spouses to discover where their other halves had been playing away, the presenters, columnists and bloggers all shared one emotion in their reporting of this event: absolute, unadulterated panic.

How could this happen? Why are Apple and Google tracking us? What do they want? Who do they think they are? What right do they have to keep an eye on us at all times? They’ve already taken our money, what more do they want? They don’t need to know I nipped to Tescos last night. Why would they ever need to know that? I only went to buy a ready meal and some washing detergent.  My kids! Oh my GOD, my kids. They know where my kids are all of the time. Why?

Today, Apple released a press statement. It confirmed that the database file discovered by someone friendless enough to find it is, in fact, there for the user’s benefit. It keeps a detailed track of wifi hotspots and mobile phone masts in order to quickly locate the phone at the user’s request. Use the maps app to find your way around unfamiliar towns? This file helps you out. Particularly if you’re indoors or mid-way through a tunnel. The aforementioned hotspots and masts could be hundreds of meters away from the actual phone’s location. Therefore, the database is simply keeping a record of the location of inanimate objects, not you or your bit-on-the-side’s gaff.

Whether you believe them or not (and their admission that “we plan to cease backing up this cache [the database file in question] in a software update coming soon” seems rather conveniently timed) it does prove that the media appear to drop all rules of good, accurate journalism when it comes to a technology story. Why? Because technology is magic and mystical. It’s made by geeks who have brain power capable of knocking the Earth off its axis. It is unknown territory, much like the afterlife and the dark side of the moon. What goes on inside a computer, phone, TV or engine management system is beyond comprehension.

Only, it isn’t. Anything can be explained. Particularly technology, which is so dumb it can only follow instructions made up of 1s and 0s. If these journos had taken just a few moments to investigate ‘locationgate’ a bit further, they might have found the answer before Apple’s announcement today. But no, there has to be a conspiracy. There has to be wrongdoing involved.

Sony’s Playstation Network disaster aside, why don’t we just step back a bit, calm down and wait for the facts, eh, Fleet Street?

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Apr 13 2011
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Apple, Technology

ATV

Today, I spotted this article on the eternally chugging rumour mill that is Apple Insider.

If Apple are indeed planning to make a TV, this is terrible, terrible news. Why? Well, for the simple fact that I will want one more than I want to punch George Osbourne in the face. And that’s a lot.

I freely admit that I love Apple products. They’re expensive, yes. They always appear to be a few steps behind the times in certain respects. The company’s CEO is irreversibly arrogant and insistent that everything they do is exactly how it should be done. They distort and twist facts and stats about competitors. I know all of this, yet I own an iPhone 4, MacBook Pro, iPad, Airport Express and enough Apple USB cables to turn Jupiter into a giant yo-yo.

So, if this rumour is true – and I wouldn’t be surprised if it is – what’s an Apple TV going to be like? Just a bigger LED cinema display with an internet connection? Knowing Apple, and using the iPad as a case in point… probably.

It does seem to be the logical progression for Apple TV. They know how to make displays and the latest iteration of their mini set-top, content-on-demand box has been well received. Why not combine the two?

The introduction of FaceTime on the iPad 2 also hints at their continuing quest to dominate our social lives and be forever in the public conscience. FaceTime on your TV would further help this cause.

They also know that, even during a worldwide financial meltdown, idiots like me continue to be enticed by their superb design team and attention-grabbing marketing. I wouldn’t be over-egging it by suggesting they’re the best on the planet at the latter and it’s the reason they make expensive, feature-light products sell by the bucketload. They could doubtless do the same with a television.

Of course, it might also just be a load of old bollocks.

I’ve seen rumours come and go on Apple Insider but this is one I’ll keep an eye on.

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Mar 04 2011
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Apple, General, Technology

Erm… I like the cover, Steve

iPad 2

iPad 2: A rare victory for accessories over the product for which they're intended

I wasn’t looking forward to the iPad 2 announcement this week. You see, I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that I must refrain from buying ‘buttons and technology’ this year due to the impending wedding bill that is, admittedly, far more important.

However, I love my iPad and I didn’t want to see it shuffle discreetly into the corner of the room, head bowed and gently weeping as it discovered it was suddenly an ‘old’ model. Wednesday’s iPad 2 announcement seemed certain to make that an inevitable consequence.

Thankfully, I was wrong.

iPad 2 is thinner. This means it looks 33% better than the old model. When you look at it side on.

It’s faster. The ‘old’ iPad is no slouch and as mine is used almost primarily for web surfing, reading the paper and task management, I’m not too fussed. I’m even less fussed about graphics that are nine times faster. iOS is, after all, a great gaming platform which is rendered as good as useless by the control surface (download any game which features an onscreen joystick and tell me otherwise).

It has cameras. I can’t think of a more awkward and dickhead-inducing way of taking photos than via an iPad. Facetime? I can do that on my iPhone and Macbook. Photobooth is hilarious but only for about fifteen minutes. Plus, I have that on my Macbook, too.

It comes in white. Granted. This is very cool (and not a lie, like the iPhone 4’s mysterious AWOL white brother).

Apple claim the new unit is unreservedly deserving of the number ‘2’ moniker. I’m not so sure. It is, quite clearly, a 3Gs-type upgrade. The real next generation iPad will be with us in 2011. And I’m happy to wait.

There was one thing, though. Something (as is always the case with Apple) highly unexpected; the case. Or cover, to be more precise in this instance.

In one, clicky, flappy, magnetised motion, they’ve done it again. The cover, which effortlessly attaches itself to the side of the iPad and covers just the screen, is almost enough to make you want to upgrade to what is essentially the same product you already own. It looks brilliant. The sort of thing you could just put on and take off again and again, all day.

Alas… I’m sticking to my guns and the advice of my better half. I’m off to reassure my iPad that it has nothing to worry about.

Until 2012.

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Jan 07 2011
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Apple, Technology

Are Apple afraid of iOS?

Mac App StoreYesterday, the Mac App Store launched and I have to say, it’s pretty darn good.

It just makes sense. Why not follow the iOS model and allow users to quickly purchase software without the need for fiddly installations from DVDs? Software is suddenly more accessible, more attractive and, as shown in the case of Aperture, cheaper.

But why? Why have Apple done this?

I have a sneaking suspicion they’re a little frightened of their own creation: iOS itself. Its rise to fame has been nothing short of meteoric and dependence placed on it at home and in business immeasurable. This has caught many by surprise. Perhaps not least Mr Jobs.

A month or so after purchasing my iPad I realised that I hadn’t touched my MacBook Pro for anything other than studio duties. Before the iPad, my trusty laptop would always be on hand, ready for a quick web surf or email, but now it had almost cemented itself to my studio desk, being asked only occasionally to run Logic. A waste, no?

It’s no coincidence that Apple’s newest piece of hardware, the redesigned Macbook Air, is at the centre of all App Store advertising, either. This is a product which is difficult to place in their lineup. The iPad is there for quick, mobile internet access, while their range of Macs (portable or otherwise) are there for traditional computing-purposes the iPad isn’t up to. So why make such a fuss about the new Air? Larger battery, thin as ice, ‘instant on’… its almost an iPad itself…

Aha!

Apple are clearly frightened the Mac is slipping out of the spotlight. The mobile computing boom triggered in no small part by iOS and its devices is drawing people away from their computers quicker than you can say ‘there’s an App for that’. Apple needed to do something to remind them of the heavy grey box collecting dust on the desk…

…enter the Mac App Store.

Clever.

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Dec 29 2010
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Apple, iPhone, Technology

Technology over substance

Airplay

Airplay. Brilliant, but a techno-wow too far?

As Band Aid stuttered through the hifi and – after a valiant effort to make it to the first chorus – eventually disappeared entirely, I knew only one thing; my Airport Express had decided to cease working for the second time that day and at an equally inconvenient juncture.

We were hosting our first and only Christmas party of the festive season and, an hour before our guests were due to arrive, my rarely used AE had decided to remove itself entirely from my home network. There was no trace of it, it had indeed gone AWOL and hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye. The green ‘everything’s ok!’ light stayed steadfastly lit, grinning at me like an illegitimate, spoilt child.

After a tiny amount of non-festive swearing and a great deal of self-persuading that throwing it down the street would not a fix produce, a full reset to factory settings did the trick.

This lasted approximately three hours, by which time we were all sitting down to enjoy the hearty Christmas dinner my fiancé and I had slaved over. No sooner had I plunged my fork into a sizeable chunk of turkey had Boy George started doing an impromptu bit of beat boxing instead of his usual verse.

“Mark, for Christmas, I’m going to buy you a CD player and some CDs,” said my friend.

That struck a chord, if you’ll excuse the pun. As clever as the Airport Express/Airplay setup I’d been relying on was, it was proving to be, unfortunately, completely and utterly unreliable.

Yes, it looked cool. Swanning around the house with my iPad, showing anyone who cared (there weren’t many) that I could make music come out of my hifi via my oversized iPod Touch without wires made me feel like Steve Jobs, striding across the stage at an Apple event leading an expectant crown on to the next ‘wow’ moment.

That’s great, until the bloody thing stops working. And, then, yes, why not just go back to good old CDs? What was wrong with them?

It’s made me question the benefit of such technological wizardry.

Apple made a big thing about Airplay this year and rightly so. Being able to wirelessly stream audio and video around your house is convenient, enjoyable and, in this form, relatively inexpensive. But, then, where is Mr Jobs when it all goes wrong? Quite often, he’s standing there, pointing the finger, blaming us, the humble user. We’re holding it wrong. It wasn’t designed for that. It’s Thursday. You’ve got an uncle called Jim. It’s your fault.

As much as I felt like heading over to the Apple boss’ house to wrap my iPad around his neck and force-feed him the Airport Express, I couldn’t afford the time or air miles, therefore settled for good old MTV instead. That worked. Flawlessly.

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