Tag Archives: Apple

You’re skating on thin ice, Apple

Not so long ago, I purchased Apple’s third generation iPad. Although, it wasn’t called that. It was just called ‘The New iPad’. The public, being the public (i.e. stupid) referred to it as the iPad 3. Technically, this was wrong and, had Mr Jobs been alive, he’d no doubt have grabbed a mic, booked Wembley and explained why everyone was wrong. Alas Steve, god rest his soul, was dead, and with only the interminably dull Tim Cook to take his place, Apple decided instead to replace it with the ‘iPad with Retina Display’. This replaced the one I had, which has been deleted from history. The Ghost iPad, if you like. Confusingly, the new, 4th generation iPad (which isn’t called that), had the exact same body and Retina display as the old 3rd generation… sorry, New iPad. The only difference was a new, smaller charging connector which costs £3,000 to replace and a faster processor, which would be useful for the three people that play – and enjoy – games on their iPad.

If you’re confused, you’re not alone.

Regardless, for some reason I continue my wallet-sapping love affair with the world’s most valuable tech company. The only tech company in the world, in fact, that could get away with producing a television advert about copy and paste. No, really. A company which knowingly released a phone that put design before function. That function, in this case, was the ability for a phone to make a phone call.

Apple are, without doubt, one of the most flawed, yet brutally clever firms in existence.

This becomes ever more apparent when you first lay your hands on an Android device. I have recently, with the addition of a Samsung S3 Mini to my work toolbox. And what a tool it is.

There’s no need to build up to this statement, because it is unavoidably true: the S3 is a better phone than an iPhone. Hands down. No argument. If they were to have a fight, the S3 would knock out the fancy-pants device from Cupertino with a single punch.

The hardware is fairly irrelevant. Both are nice phones to hold and look suitably posh (although the iPhone is clearly the more expensive device, such is its engineering brilliance). No, it’s all about the software and it is now an unavoidable fact that iOS is about as current as a twenty minute guitar solo; we all loved it once, but now it’s faintly irritating.

Of greater concern is that Apple appears to be steadfastly sticking to their plan of small increments in functionality. This will be the undoing of them if they continue on such a blinkered, arrogant path. iOS 7 needs to be significantly different in order for them to maintain their user base. Locking people into iCloud, which only just works, and attempting to confuse them to death with iTunes Match, isn’t enough.

I’ll say it here and now – if Apple don’t develop a better mobile operating system which at least matches the functionality of the competition within the next 18 months, I will switch to Android and buy myself an iPod.

Possibly…

 

Tagged , , , , ,

How about mini prices, Apple?

We all know that ‘nits’ are little creatures which have a habit of nesting in human hair. No one, however, know what nits are when it comes to computer displays. That didn’t matter yesterday, though, when Apple announced that its latest line of laptop and desktop computer displays featured ‘300 nits’. We are all supposed to be very excited about the increase in nittage (although the previous nit value was never quoted). Why? Just because we should be. Three hundred is a larger number than, say, 5, and therefore we should all be grateful and impressed.

Let’s cover the announcements made at yesterday’s event…

Macbook Pro 13”

Apple’s bestselling notebook received a significant update. It is now thinner and includes a ‘retina’ display, which is tech twat speak for ‘you won’t be able to see any of the dots that make up the images on the screen’. Unfortunately, while it is not as expensive as its 15” big brother, it is still just expensive enough to be unaffordable for everyone.

iMac

Apple believe this is the best desktop computer in the world and the only time anyone has got the all-in-one concept right. And who are we to argue? They offered lots of big numbers to explain why they are right and why we are all stupid and wrong for buying other stuff. The new iMac is thinner than anything you can conceivably think of and is put together using friction-stir welding, which isn’t the most boring thing you’ve read all day. While some will be able to afford the 21.5” version, the one we all want – the 27” – is more expensive than most of the stuff in your house and therefore entirely unobtainable.

iPad

Everyone has forgotten what this is called. Including Apple. Originally, it was ‘The New iPad’, although most owners referred to theirs as the iPad 3. Now it is the 4th generation iPad, although the Apple website refers to it as ‘iPad with Retina display’. Confused? Well, that’s because you’re stupid. The new, current, 4th iPad is now twice as fast as the old new, 3rd iPad and features faster wireless and the new lightening charging port. Basically, if you own the old new 3rd generation iPad (I think I’m still referring to the correct one), it is now rubbish and should be replaced.

iPad mini

The main event. The big one. Actually, the little one. Just as Apple innovated by making their iPhone slightly bigger, they’ve made the iPad smaller. This immediately means it’s better than anything the competition can come up with and, once again, to prove the point, we were shown lots of high percentages and mentions of ‘theirs is made out of plastic’. Unfortunately, aside from the base 16Gb model, the other iterations are only obtainable for those who are happy to live off street kill for the following twelve months after purchase.

Those that know me will want to know the answer to the question, ’will you be getting one?’. Will I? Probably not. I want one more than I want to keep my eyes, but it comes back to the age old justification problem. And that is that there is very little justification for it. Only, Apple have made what I consider to be an increasingly solid rod for their own back, here.

Normal people like me cannot afford, nor wish to spend money on the majority of their products. I’d very much like a new Macbook Pro with a retina display for my studio. I’d also love an Air for blogging and the times an iPad’s onscreen keyboard is simply too cumbersome. I’d like a Mac mini to run as a media server. I’d like an iMac as a desktop machine to look nice in the dining room. I’d like an iPad mini because it’s more portable.

I’ll stop there. But, in short, I want everything they do. All of it. But I can’t justify any of those items. The key words above are ‘like’ and ‘want’. I don’t need any of the stuff they make. None of us do. If they continue to innovate in such small steps and price themselves out of the real world, they will not capture the wider, PC-killing audience they so clearly strive for.

Take a hint, Apple. Drop your prices.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Apple on the fiddle

Apple: lost without the big man?

Apple love big numbers. At their 2012 developers conference yesterday, they pulled out the biggest ever – 1 trillion.

“I think that’s the first time we’ve had that number up there,” exclaimed Scott Forstall, grinning and pointing at the gigantic letters looming over him. And I’m sure the crowd would have gasped, if the number hadn’t simply been an indication of how many push notifications the company has sent to iOS devices since the introduction of iOS5 last year. If you’re still reading, that is indeed the most boring statistic ever and something I shall never, ever think about ever again.

Still, at least they got to use the ‘t’ word…

There were lots of other numbers quoted during the keynote speech and most of them related to the next generation MacBook Pro. This is, according to Apple (and they should know), the best computer they have ever made. It features a retina display, which is a fancy way of describing a screen with a very high resolution and pixel density (still awake? Come on, keep going, don’t leave me now). It is also as thin as ice, has a very quick processor, room for many gigabytes of memory, the same battery they used in the Death Star and a fan system which uses asymmetrical blades to spread the noise over multiple frequencies.

Please try and stay with me.

Unfortunately, and as is usually the case with Apple’s top end stuff, no one will be able to afford the new MacBook Pro. Which is a shame. But that didn’t appear to bother Apple’s hierarchy yesterday. They were very excited about their new toy.

I make no bones about the fact that I am an Apple nut. I’ll talk about it until people vacate the room or punch me in the face to make it stop. If Apple make it, I’ll buy it. Apart from the stuff I can’t afford, obviously, like their new, sexy, super-mega-bastard laptop. I do have one slight concern following the WWDC keynote, though, and that’s that they appear to be simply fiddling rather than innovating.

The refreshed MacBook Air line is a good example of this, and – while I want one more than I want anything in the world – rather than move the tiny notebook idea on apace, they simply added a few beefier internal bits. I don’t think this is enough, particularly with Intel ultrabooks looking an increasingly attractive proposition.

Continuing on the hardware front, I don’t think it’s unfair to suggest that Steve Jobs wouldn’t have stood for the fact that the 3rd generation iPad is thicker and heavier than it’s predecessor. Nor would he like the name for the new iPad which is ‘the new iPad’ and which in turn begs the question: what the hell are they going to call it when the next one comes along?

It’s the same when it comes to software. For example, they’ve increased the functionality of the technically-flawed iCloud by allowing documents in the cloud and… well, that’s about it, really. No additional web apps, no proper streaming of media content to iOS devices and no decipherable explanation of what on earth iTunes Match is or how it works.

They’re updating Siri so that it will soon misunderstand the fact you want to know something about your local football team. It’ll also be able to grab the wrong end of the stick when you ask it to find, and place a booking at, a local indian restaurant. Providing you live in the US, of course.

But this is all fiddling, I’m afraid. Where’s the innovation? iCloud in particular has so much promise, yet continually fails to deliver with unreliable synchronisation, the confusing, over-complicated iTunes Match service and the infuriating iMessage which simply doesn’t ‘just work’ if you want to continue your conversations on multiple devices.

And, as nice as the top-line MacBook Pro is, it’s just a thinner laptop with a better screen. I want one more than I want to keep my legs, but it is just a computer.

If the rumours of an Apple television set are to be believed, it’ll have to be groundbreaking, as I think it’s the only place left to seriously innovate. Apple make nice-but-expensive computers, with easy-to-use, satisfying operating systems. However, the ecosystem they rely so heavily on, and the one thing that will continue to bring in new customers and provide a solid revenue stream, needs far more work and fiddling won’t push that along at all.

Erm. Right. There you go, then.

Obviously, I’ve already started saving for the new MacBook Air and I can’t wait for iOS6. Or Mountain Lion.

How much does someone want to give me for my legs?

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Gay me up, Scotty

Siri

I fancied a cup of tea the other day. So, without further ado, and taking fully into account that I was a recently married man and therefore allowed to request such things from my better half, asked for one.

The method with which I did so was more Star Trek than Jim Royale. Rather than scratching my arse, leaning back in the chair and barking my orders, I picked up my new iPhone 4S and asked it to send my wife a text message. Hey, this is 2011, I thought. Using new technology to ask my wife to do something I could quite easily do myself makes it far less chauvinistic and almost acceptable. Classy, even. I was quite pleased with my decision to do so, I’m not going to beat around the bush. Perhaps I would single-handedly change social politics forever. It felt like a big moment. Game changing.

What was neither classy nor acceptable, however, was the resulting text message Lindsey received which read, ‘Can I have another pussy please?’.

Quite how it substituted the homely sound of ‘tea’ for the rather more guttural ‘pussy’ I have no idea. Needless to say, she wasn’t particularly impressed.

Realising I needed to salvage the situation and try to avoid an instant annulment, I decided to tell my wife how much I loved her. That would sort it out. And, again, I wouldn’t need spoken words. Technology was my new friend and my harnessing of both it and the art of love would render me the type of husband all blokes aspire to be. I’d probably end up on Wikipedia, or something.

Once again, I turned to my phone and gently asked it to send my loved one a brief but ever-lasting sentence which confirmed she meant the world to me.

I shouldn’t have.

‘I love your ex,’ read the resulting text.

In approximately 5 minutes I’d managed to paint myself as a chauvinistic, sex-demanding homosexual. And all thanks to my new phone.

Siri is the real culprit here. It is a voice recognition system like no other, if you believe the Apple hype. Rather than issue pre-defined, scripted orders, you can have conversations with it. ‘It knows what you mean,’ boasts their website.

Clearly, it doesn’t always know what you mean. Yes, it’ll tell me what the weather isn’t going to do tomorrow (I’ve never once read an iPhone weather report that can reliably predict the future), allow me to set timers and inform me of what meetings I have next Wednesday. But when it comes to text messaging, it just does not have a clue what I’m talking about. More worryingly, it appears to be constantly questioning my sexuality.

Take the other night, when I wanted to let Lindsey know I was running late on the way home from work. I asked it to tell her that very fact but, instead, it responded with, ‘Mark, do you want me to confirm that Steven White is your wife?’. Much sweaty-fingered fumbling and bashing of the ‘cancel’ button ensued. As I was driving at the time, this somewhat diminished the most obvious (only?) advantage of Siri – allowing you to send text messages whilst maintaining control of a motor vehicle. Instead, I almost confirmed I was married to a man I only know through weekly 5-a-side football and very nearly crashed legs-first into an elderly passer by. I never thought I’d do either of those things and certainly not at the same time.

In all fairness, Siri is clearly labeled as ‘beta’, which essentially means it isn’t ready for public consumption. This is unusual of Apple but shows how excited they are by the new feature which is, joking apart, pretty impressive. That said, it does seem that it’s early appearance is perhaps more intended to impress with it’s potential and, more often than not, amuse with it’s rather poor grasp of it’s master’s dialect.

Thankfully, I’m not alone in my Siri scrapes. At 11:30pm the other night, Lindsey attempted to push the capabilities of the software as far as I’d imagine they’re willing to go by asking, ‘What is on this season’s catwalk?’ I immediately chortled, suggesting it wouldn’t have a clue. My amusement was short lived, though – and not because it dutifully gave a Gok Wan-like run down of the colours and shapes we should all aspire to be wearing – no, because, in response, it proceeded to call someone else I occasionally play football with.

Tagged , , , ,

No 5

As dust bales roll through the digital streets of the once dense, sarcasm- and expletive-strewn jungle that is TheBoyEllis Blog, I can confirm that I am still alive. Postaweek2011 appears to have claimed its next victim (I’d imagine there’s been a fair few) after a heady month that was dominated by marriage, associated celebrations and the much-needed holidaying that follows.

Concerned I had little to write about, I thought I may have struck gold last week after our dealings with the housing market; firstly attempting to buy a new house from a builder via a part exchange scheme and, after that predictably failed miserably, deciding to put our house on the market and buy an older place. This sounded like perfect source material, until I realised I could only really muster one sentence describing the whole affair, which is:

No one in the housing market knows what they’re talking about.

And that’s not much of a blog, is it?

Yesterday, however, Apple rolled into town in all its grandiose, questionable statistic chomping glory and delivered the perfect excuse for me to pick up the digital pen once again.

I bought an iPhone 4 pretty much as soon as it came out. Because I’m stupid. But, in my defence, it was brilliant. The ‘retina’ screen looked like those fake photos of screens mobile phone shops place on the handsets in store, such was its vibrancy and crystal, seemingly pixel-free clarity. Only, it wasn’t a photo – it was actually the screen, which you could touch and watch respond. Just as when I first played with an iPhone, it felt like I was in Star Trek (being a child of the 80s, it doesn’t take a huge amount to get me excited).

Then, I, along with the millions who had also flocked to buy the precision engineered slice of metal and glass, attempted to make a phone call. This proved difficult because, as we were to find out, in order to make a successful call without the signal dropping, we had to hold the phone as though we were holding a piece of dog poo against our ear; a kind of ginger, two-fingered affair which ensured we didn’t accidentally create a bridge between two pieces of the ‘ground-breaking’ external antenna which must never be joined. If they become one, the result is a bit like when you cross lightsabre beams, only three million times more boring.

Apple then embarked on an uncharacteristic and creepily frantic attempt to prove that other phones do the exact same thing. Several videos appeared on their website of someone (Mr Jobs?) squeezing various models of Blackberrys and Android phones to prove that they too lose their signal when ‘held incorrectly’. Clearly realising that what they were doing was akin to a drunken ex-boyfriend bashing his genitalia against his former girlfriend’s front door in an attempt to prove it is as adequate as that by which it has been replaced, the videos were soon removed.

Steve Jobs even had to make an unscheduled stage appearance to make sure everyone was aware it was their own fault and not Apple’s. He did so in typically nonchalant style, although he did concede that they’d all had to stay past chucking out time on several occasions to work on a reasonable excuse.

This was all very irritating at first, but we all soon realised that this was an iPhone and, as such, its inadequacies as a phone (there are a number) do not matter. It is shiny and cool and Steve had quite clearly explained why we are all to blame. So, we stopped complaining and carried on playing with iFart.

Now, Apple have a new phone. With so many expecting the number 5 to make an appearance, it is no surprise that a collective sigh was exhaled after Apple simply added the letter ‘S’ to the end of the current product’s name.

Yes, now we have an iPhone 4S. It has the same A5 CPU that powers the iPad 2 and which will provide all of the unplayable first person shooter games on iOS with graphics that modern gaming consoles can only dream of. Web pages will open half a second quicker and the camera will no longer wait until Gaddafi has been captured, tried and beheaded before opening.

Ah, the camera. This is much better.  Once again managing to make fresh titfer out of old hat, 8MP stills and 1080P HD recording were the headlines, but Apple also went into minute detail about how they have achieved near-DSLR quality imagery with the addition of all manner of professional grade components and lenses.

After everyone had woken up, they went on to demonstrate Siri. This was their ‘just one other thing…’ moment. The bit we all wait for at Apple conferences.

Siri basically means you can talk to your phone and it will respond appropriately. Set tasks, reply to messages, find out how lunar space travel works. You name it – literally – and it’ll do it. The demo was, admittedly, very impressive.

Odd, then, that the only reason I can think I want an iPhone 4S is because it will finally allow me to replace my black iPhone 4 with a white one…

Tagged , , , , , , ,

A cloudy day in PC world

WWDC 2011 - time for Apple to add a few more things they forgot at the outset

I got drunk a couple of years ago and signed up to MobileMe. It was a sixty day free trial so I figured there was little to lose.

Two months later, I got drunk again and forgot to cancel the subscription. Steve Jobs duly buried his hand into my trouser pocket and took £59. I couldn’t complain or ask for it back because I’d agreed to let him do so sixty days prior. I’d simply forgotten to cancel the trial and had chosen the expiry date to go out for a few beers. iWhoops.

He did the same thing a year later, although that time I was sober and had just resigned myself to the fact that he’d come along and relieve me of my hard earned every twelve months. Disclaimer: as much as I love Apple products, that is not a euphemism.

Then, a further year on, he didn’t bother. Instead, he took to a stage so large it could house three symphony orchestras to proclaim, quite simply, that MobileMe was in fact, utterly, totally, irreversibly shite.

And that was it. No ‘sorry’, or ‘here, have your £118 back’. Just a rare admission from the man who continues to reinvent everything (only to later add the important bits that were missing at the start via a series of updates) that one of their reinventions was ‘not our finest hour’.

I agree. It wasn’t even their finest fifteen minutes. MobileMe was, in principle, a good idea, if not a new one. It was expensive, though, and I am forever asking myself what I’m getting for £59. I have email, calendars and contacts synced between my various devices. I also have a 20GB iDisk which I occasionally put 40KB PDF files on. I used to have all that elsewhere and for free.

Still, MobileMe had cool graphics and the James Bond-like Find My iPhone which even featured a radar for the icon (that’s cool, right? Radars are definitely cool). Obviously, it wouldn’t find your iPhone – it would simply highlight a 20 mile radius in which it might be located. That’s not very useful. I could probably do the same thing myself just by thinking about it. But Find My iPhone had a green radar thing that swung around and beeped. So that made it all fine.

Anyway, I digress. Now we have iCloud which is free and a more rounded solution. But, as cool as it looks, that’s not what I want to talk about.

There was one word which seemed to permeate through the entire keynote address. It wasn’t preceded by an ‘i’, nor was it followed by the interminably irritating ‘it’s just beauuuutiful’ – a phrase Apple has even used to describe an email client’s reading pane.

The word was ‘PC’. Steve Jobs will occasionally point and laugh at this silly little acronym. In the past, he’s received a muffled guffaw from his adoring crowd as he highlights just how rubbish PCs are. How they have missed the point of personal computing entirely and continue to make each of our lives a living hell through their wrong approach to multi-tasking, wrong approach to security, poor hardware and for sleeping with our partners behind our backs.

Obviously, this is nonsense. PCs do work. They might not have the same pretty animations that Mac OS X has mastered so beauuuutifully, but they do a job and will continue to for the vast majority of home and business users on the planet Only, now, we’re being told that we can cut ourselves free of the PC. Snip through the digital umbilical cord, if you like. Apple even had a little icon for this.

Principally, they are referring to iOS 5 which includes the ability to wirelessly sync with iTunes and setup iOS devices without connecting them to a computer.

Of course, by ‘PC’ and the newly coined phrase ‘Post PC’, they are also referring to Macs (we’re not stupid, Steve) and it was encouraging to hear them ‘demote’ all devices – iPads, iPhones, laptops, desktops – to just that: devices. Bits of metal which can be setup independently and display all of the stuff we store on the cloud. Viewing panes into our remote, digital world. Nothing more. I like that.

I predict that, eventually, this will make complex operating systems a thing of the past. As Jobs noted, file systems are cumbersome and difficult for novices to get their heads around, yet they are the one thing we rely on almost every day. Why not let applications and web servers do the work? This premise is put to fantastic use in iOS.

I also predict, as I have noted to people in the past, that OS X will continue to turn into iOS. It’s happening already with Lion; full screen apps and Launchpad (iOS-esque app organisation) were present at yesterday’s demo. Those that need more functionality (and by that, I mean principally developers and bedroom tweakers [no laughing at the back]) will continue to have the tools they need to do their jobs via SDKs. But us, the everyday user? Cutting the link between ourselves, our devices and our desktop machines is just the start. I think the people at Apple gave us quite a significant glance into the future yesterday.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s ok to be complacent when technology is involved… isn’t it?

Image representing iPhone as depicted in Crunc...

iPhone. What's going on behind that screen?

BOOM! Apple are monitoring your movements. They’re tracking your every move and they possess a detailed history of every place you’ve ever visited with your iPhone.

Headlines similar to the scare-mongering guff above rang out from media outlets across the globe and, while most of the focus was on the sudden ability for spouses to discover where their other halves had been playing away, the presenters, columnists and bloggers all shared one emotion in their reporting of this event: absolute, unadulterated panic.

How could this happen? Why are Apple and Google tracking us? What do they want? Who do they think they are? What right do they have to keep an eye on us at all times? They’ve already taken our money, what more do they want? They don’t need to know I nipped to Tescos last night. Why would they ever need to know that? I only went to buy a ready meal and some washing detergent.  My kids! Oh my GOD, my kids. They know where my kids are all of the time. Why?

Today, Apple released a press statement. It confirmed that the database file discovered by someone friendless enough to find it is, in fact, there for the user’s benefit. It keeps a detailed track of wifi hotspots and mobile phone masts in order to quickly locate the phone at the user’s request. Use the maps app to find your way around unfamiliar towns? This file helps you out. Particularly if you’re indoors or mid-way through a tunnel. The aforementioned hotspots and masts could be hundreds of meters away from the actual phone’s location. Therefore, the database is simply keeping a record of the location of inanimate objects, not you or your bit-on-the-side’s gaff.

Whether you believe them or not (and their admission that “we plan to cease backing up this cache [the database file in question] in a software update coming soon” seems rather conveniently timed) it does prove that the media appear to drop all rules of good, accurate journalism when it comes to a technology story. Why? Because technology is magic and mystical. It’s made by geeks who have brain power capable of knocking the Earth off its axis. It is unknown territory, much like the afterlife and the dark side of the moon. What goes on inside a computer, phone, TV or engine management system is beyond comprehension.

Only, it isn’t. Anything can be explained. Particularly technology, which is so dumb it can only follow instructions made up of 1s and 0s. If these journos had taken just a few moments to investigate ‘locationgate’ a bit further, they might have found the answer before Apple’s announcement today. But no, there has to be a conspiracy. There has to be wrongdoing involved.

Sony’s Playstation Network disaster aside, why don’t we just step back a bit, calm down and wait for the facts, eh, Fleet Street?

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

ATV

Today, I spotted this article on the eternally chugging rumour mill that is Apple Insider.

If Apple are indeed planning to make a TV, this is terrible, terrible news. Why? Well, for the simple fact that I will want one more than I want to punch George Osbourne in the face. And that’s a lot.

I freely admit that I love Apple products. They’re expensive, yes. They always appear to be a few steps behind the times in certain respects. The company’s CEO is irreversibly arrogant and insistent that everything they do is exactly how it should be done. They distort and twist facts and stats about competitors. I know all of this, yet I own an iPhone 4, MacBook Pro, iPad, Airport Express and enough Apple USB cables to turn Jupiter into a giant yo-yo.

So, if this rumour is true – and I wouldn’t be surprised if it is – what’s an Apple TV going to be like? Just a bigger LED cinema display with an internet connection? Knowing Apple, and using the iPad as a case in point… probably.

It does seem to be the logical progression for Apple TV. They know how to make displays and the latest iteration of their mini set-top, content-on-demand box has been well received. Why not combine the two?

The introduction of FaceTime on the iPad 2 also hints at their continuing quest to dominate our social lives and be forever in the public conscience. FaceTime on your TV would further help this cause.

They also know that, even during a worldwide financial meltdown, idiots like me continue to be enticed by their superb design team and attention-grabbing marketing. I wouldn’t be over-egging it by suggesting they’re the best on the planet at the latter and it’s the reason they make expensive, feature-light products sell by the bucketload. They could doubtless do the same with a television.

Of course, it might also just be a load of old bollocks.

I’ve seen rumours come and go on Apple Insider but this is one I’ll keep an eye on.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Erm… I like the cover, Steve

iPad 2

iPad 2: A rare victory for accessories over the product for which they're intended

I wasn’t looking forward to the iPad 2 announcement this week. You see, I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that I must refrain from buying ‘buttons and technology’ this year due to the impending wedding bill that is, admittedly, far more important.

However, I love my iPad and I didn’t want to see it shuffle discreetly into the corner of the room, head bowed and gently weeping as it discovered it was suddenly an ‘old’ model. Wednesday’s iPad 2 announcement seemed certain to make that an inevitable consequence.

Thankfully, I was wrong.

iPad 2 is thinner. This means it looks 33% better than the old model. When you look at it side on.

It’s faster. The ‘old’ iPad is no slouch and as mine is used almost primarily for web surfing, reading the paper and task management, I’m not too fussed. I’m even less fussed about graphics that are nine times faster. iOS is, after all, a great gaming platform which is rendered as good as useless by the control surface (download any game which features an onscreen joystick and tell me otherwise).

It has cameras. I can’t think of a more awkward and dickhead-inducing way of taking photos than via an iPad. Facetime? I can do that on my iPhone and Macbook. Photobooth is hilarious but only for about fifteen minutes. Plus, I have that on my Macbook, too.

It comes in white. Granted. This is very cool (and not a lie, like the iPhone 4’s mysterious AWOL white brother).

Apple claim the new unit is unreservedly deserving of the number ‘2’ moniker. I’m not so sure. It is, quite clearly, a 3Gs-type upgrade. The real next generation iPad will be with us in 2011. And I’m happy to wait.

There was one thing, though. Something (as is always the case with Apple) highly unexpected; the case. Or cover, to be more precise in this instance.

In one, clicky, flappy, magnetised motion, they’ve done it again. The cover, which effortlessly attaches itself to the side of the iPad and covers just the screen, is almost enough to make you want to upgrade to what is essentially the same product you already own. It looks brilliant. The sort of thing you could just put on and take off again and again, all day.

Alas… I’m sticking to my guns and the advice of my better half. I’m off to reassure my iPad that it has nothing to worry about.

Until 2012.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

A history of bedroom production – Part 3

2007: Returned

Kit list: Apple Mac G5, Garageband, Reason 4, Logic Pro, Korg Triton

Apple Mac G5Eagle-eyed readers of the previous part of this series will have spotted a somewhat seismic gap in the noted period. Eleven years to be exact, for those too lazy to check.

If truth be told, I continued to make music between 1996 and 2000. This coincided with me reaching my late teens and, as confused as anyone is at that stage in their lives, I gave in to many a distraction. Going out, drink, girls… Work, even. Once you’re unleashed from the shackles of being a kid and suddenly in possession of the keys to your own car, you’re inclined to make the most of it. And more often than not, that usually involves leaving the house.

Consequently, my music suffered and eventually died a complete (albeit unmourned) death in 2001 when I met Lindsey Allen. Lindsey was the beautiful, blonde-haired girl who would become my soulmate and, in ten years time, accept my nervous, sweaty request of marriage on a sweltering day in Kefalonia. Back then, however, we were just happy to bask in all the glories of newfound romance. All of a sudden, making music was of little interest.

Skip forward to 2007. We own a house and have stable jobs. We’ve even shopped at a garden centre. Basically, we’ve grown up a bit.

Before the house purchase, we lived in a couple of tiny places. They were far too small for any kind of studio to exist, however I did, on occasion, dust off the Triton and remind myself of what I was missing. It was only now, with our own bricks and mortar, that I could seriously consider getting back into it. For days, I eyed up the then empty spare bedroom. It was perfect.

So, with little trepidation I began researching the required gear. I didn’t want to go back to the PC, having torn out my hair multiple times in the past building – and consequently fixing – them. No, I decided to turn to Apple.

Initially, a G4 sounded like a safe bet; cheap yet still capable of running some form of midi sequencer. It harked back to the days of the Atari (something I also briefly considered investing in).

Then, I noticed that a G5 could be had for a small premium. And with that, I bought a dual 1.8ghz variant through eBay, from a guy who worked at the Planet Rock radio station (the machine clearly had relevant roots).

My first experience of the G5 was Garageband, which came handily ready-installed. Bearing in mind I’d not properly worked with

Garageband

Garageband

any kind of DAW or sequencer for several years, I was entering almost unchartered territory. However, what I discovered was jaw-dropping.

 

Instantly, Garageband let me back into my midi-driven roots. But along with that was the sheer power of the thing. Bearing in mind this was essentially a free piece of software which came with any new Apple Mac, it was actually a very respectable standalone DAW with plenty of useable sounds. I couldn’t quite believe just how far things had come on. Back in the 90s, you had to be a real geek to have any idea of how electronic music was sequenced, let alone be so easily exposed to the tools used for doing so.

This got me a little excited. If this is what mass-market fodder like Garageband is like…

ReasonThe next step was Reason 4 and having dabbled with earlier variants and it’s often forgotten ancestor Rebirth some time ago, I was instantly familiar with its self-contained loveliness and addictive tab switching to reveal dangly virtual cables. It was obviously a huge step up from Garageband but it also fully reignited my passion for making music. The sounds you could create were a world away from anything I’d used in the past.

There was only one stop left: Logic. It had been a long time. Would we still get on? Would we recognise each other? What if it had gone a bit weird, met new friends and consequently become a pretentious sod?

It hadn’t. Logic Pro sealed the fate of our spare bedroom. I was back.Logic Studio

I’m not going to dwell too much on why, or go into any detailed discussion on the reason I love Logic (if you’ve kept reading this far, you’re doing well, I wouldn’t want to lose you now), but I’d never have thought after my brief and underwhelming dabblings with it on the PC in the late 90s, that it would become such a staple in later life.

I instantly got to work. Any new piece of software I can lay my hands on, whether it be a DAW, soft synth or effects plug-in, seems to inspire me instantly and Logic was no different. Within a couple of days I’d written a full-length track, the first for about ten years. Listening back, it resembles much of what I’ve described in the last few paragraphs; someone getting reaqauinted with music making. Someone experimenting with a new set of toys. It’s therefore a bit paint-by-numbers and by no means a masterpiece but I do at least have it to hand, which is more than can be said for my earlier works.

So, here it is, the aptly named Returned. I can only apologise for the dreadfully contrived intro:

p.s. My blogging buddy Chris has been charting his own history of bedroom production. It’s quite different to mine and I really recommend a read. His third and final part can be found here.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 244 other followers