Tag Archives: Wayne Rooney

Athletes vs footballers: no contest

School sports day at Millway Middle School was always a welcome distraction from the rigors of secondary school education (you know, having religious texts forced down your throat and attempting to set fire to your mate’s hair with a Bunsen burner). It was also fun.

Until I nearly killed a fellow pupil.

It wasn’t my fault, I hasten to add. In fact, I’m almost certain it was his. As I neared the marker for the shot put, I glanced at the rows of kids and teachers lining the boundaries. They were all standing there in quiet anticipation, waiting for yet another attempt at what must surely be one of the greatest displays of manhood. I was excited, too. There were probably one or two girls amongst the throng and I was going to show just how hard I was by lobbing a heavy ball of metal across a field. I spotted a house a few hundred yards away, beyond the school fence. Perhaps I’d hit that.

I took a run up (long enough to be illegal) and thrust the ball forward (incorrectly enough to be illegal) with all of my might. Heads slowly turned as it blasted through the dense summer air, spinning slightly on its axis, heading for a world record – a record I’m confident I would have broken, had one of the kids not leaned forward for a better view. As he did so, the rock-solid lump of metal smashed straight into the side of his head.

He dropped to the floor, motionless. A crowd gathered. “You idiot, Mark!” could be heard, several times, possibly from a teacher.

That moment he lay on the floor seemed to last an eternity. He didn’t move. I didn’t move. Curiously, the teachers didn’t move either, which, on reflection, doesn’t paint the best picture of their regard for health and safety.

And then, like a bolt, he stood upright. “I’m ok.”

We all breathed a sigh of relief. I cancelled plans to run home crying. The teachers simply flicked me a synchronised look of despair. The sporting prowess I had displayed had clearly saved me from a detention. This was yet another memorable sporting event on the school field and, while it can’t be compared directly, the same rush of adrenaline was felt by millions of us on Saturday 4th August as Team GB picked up three gold medals in the space of an hour (although, thankfully, without attempting to kill each other in the process).

I’ll say here and now that I have never witnessed such an amazing piece of sport than that of Mo Farah triumphantly making the 10,000m his own. Never before had this great nation won the event. Never before had such expectation and pressure been placed on the shoulders of a single, ordinary man. And he just did it. Seven days later he did it again in the 5000m, which is possibly even more astonishing.

Likewise, Jessica Ennis has been the unfortunate recipient of the eternally irritating ‘poster girl’ moniker yet she too delivered, without any drama, a display of breathtaking athletic brilliance and will quite rightly be adored by a generation for a generation for doing so.

The feeling of utter elation on that Saturday night was tangible. Until Gary Linekar suggested we watch the dieing moments of Team GB’s football match which had hit penalties.

Which we lost. To South Korea.

In an instant, Sturridge’s miss summed up everything that is wrong with our beautiful game. The giant spectre of our athletes’ brilliance has cast a formidable, dark shadow on the footballers of this great nation.

I say this as a life-long football fan: they are absolute failures.

Why? Let’s once again focus the spotlight on Mr Rooney. Here is a grown man who could not cope with pressure if it came with an instruction manual. Which is mainly because he probably can’t read. So, bad example. But the fact remains that, when asked to step up for his country, he fails, every time. Rather than get his head down and bust a gut like our boys and girls in white and blue, he stomps about the pitch like a spoilt teenager. There’s no denying he has the talent, which makes his blind ignorance to the hypnotic, emotional investment we as a nation place in those that are touched with sporting brilliance all the more unbearable. How we’d love to see him push himself to the point of breaking in order to grab a last-minute World Cup quarter final winner. How he’d be adored. Alas, that will never happen.

I won’t compare salaries, because that’s an obvious target, but I will compare good, old fashioned humanity and sporting values, and the likes of Rooney and John Terry should be ashamed of themselves.

The Olympic torch was put out last night. I’ll miss it more than I’ve missed any football tournament. I wasn’t looking forward to the games, but I’m now fully aware of what all the fuss was about. On reflection, it isn’t even the sport I’ll miss – its the people. Brilliant, talented, normal people who we should cherish for as long as they’re with us.

Go Team GB.

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You can swear, Wayne… just be a bit nicer about it

Alex Ferguson has today blasted the FA for pressuring referee Lee Mason into reporting Wayne Rooney for his foul-mouthed rant at a Sky TV camera. According to the eternally obnoxious Scot, they ‘bullied’ Mason into doing it so that they could fine the player.

Quite an ironic surmise coming from one of the biggest bullies in football.

You know what I’d like to see from Ferguson? An admission. Just for once. Even Wayne made one, right after the game (although he quickly contradicted his statement with his ‘they’re out to get me’ comments after the Chelsea match), labelling his tirade inappropriate and not for the ears of the young kids watching.

His manager is pinning everything on the fact that his star player has been banned ‘for swearing’, but he misses the point entirely. It was for the aggression shown, and that is something Rooney needs to curb in most areas of his game. If he’s not swearing at the camera, he’s stomping around the pitch, flinging his arms in the air at any accidentally misplaced pass. I can’t think of a more uninspiring way to play alongside your team mates. Put simply, and in a language he’ll understand, he’s a little shit who needs to grow up. If Ferguson had admitted that the player needs to adjust his attitude a bit and drop the unpleasant high level of aggression, instead of making out that the world is out to get Utd, he’d garner far more respect from people like me.

There’s nothing wrong with aggression or arrogance in sport, but Rooney, his manager and Manchester Utd need to drop their biblical levels of it if they’re ever to have the slightest glimmer of respect from anyone but their fans.

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2010: A year of politics and football

Cameron and Clegg

Politics. Proving just as fickle as football. Goodbye 2010.

2010 has been a milestone year for me, which included the long overdue proposal of marriage to my girlfriend of nine years, an amazing family holiday and a headfirst smash into the 30th year of my life.

It’s the latter that has prompted me to take stock of things and consider what I really should be doing. What should be making me happy. It’s funny how you see certain things for what they are when you hit the big three-oh. More than anything, and without trying to sound like an American, I’ve realised there are certain paths I really should explore before I hit the next milestone in ten years’ time. If I don’t, I know I’ll regret it forever and I urge anyone reading this to do the same.

But what of 2010 in general? As usual, I feel it prevalent to write my end of year blog for those that care (hi, Mum).

It has been a big year, no doubt. The recession is anything but over and we have a newly formed coalition running the country. A coalition that is, day by day, obliterating the Lib Dems and creating a solitary, solemn, once-revered figure in Nick Clegg. The man’s fall from near superstardom to a widely despised recipient of burning effigies in a matter of months has been nothing short of startling. Still, at least Cameron’s enjoying himself.

However, the most lingering memories of 2010 are football-related and all nod to what is a rapidly self-destructing force: English football.

Firstly there was the Word Cup which was, and let’s make no bones about this, an utter disaster for the English game. We looked uninterested, out of ideas and, worst of all, not up to standard. It’s not about the manager, or the players – it’s about the lack of interest or investment we put into football in this country. Like so many things, the men in charge just don’t care enough. Until that’s put right we won’t win a thing and we might as well just get used to that fact. I have, finally.

Then there was Mr Rooney, who hammered his own nail into the coffin of English football with what has to be one of the most poorly orchestrated, ill-conceived contract negotiations of all time. It was a week which left a decidedly sickly taste at the back of my throat and one which Wayne and his entourage should be eternally ashamed of.

Money is killing our game, but it’s not just at a local level. Oh no. FIFA confirmed once and for all that it is readiness of money and influence on global trade that wins you votes by awarding future World Cups to Russia and Qatar. The latter, in particular, is about as barmy a decision as you’re ever likely to see and has presented a genuine case for the English FA to pull us out of FIFA altogether.

So there you have it. Politics and football dominated my year and proved they’re intrinsically linked. I suggest we all set our sights and hopes relatively low for 2011. As defeatist as that sounds, at least none of us will be disappointed when it all goes Nick Clegg.

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Fancy a Game of 5-a-Side, Wayne?

Wayne Rooney

Image via Wikipedia

More than most of us would earn in a year… Some, in a lifetime… Obscene… Unfathomable… Other worldly… Ridiculous… The figures bandied about last week justified the resulting headlines, aggravated coffee-table discussions and lengthened trips to the water cooler. Depending on which newspaper pops through your letterbox, Rooney’s estimated earning potential if he moved to arch rivals Manchester City ranged anywhere from £200,000 to £500,000. Per week.

Such news is not as immediately shocking as it would have been ten years ago. Not in an age where we see players like Yaya Toure joining Manchester City for a reported £220,000 per week, or John Terry leisurely picking up £150K pay for a week nursing a bad back and fiddling with his co-worker’s girlfriends. No, we’re used to these figures. They’re dangerously close to becoming the norm. Indeed, I was surprised to hear Andy Carroll’s Newcastle wage rose to ‘only’ £30,000 per week after signing his new contract. I even felt a little bit sorry for the Tyneside front man.

Back to Rooney. Last week’s debacle left me under no doubt that my suspicions surrounding Wayne and his management team were entirely reasonable.

They’re as thick as two short planks. The lot of them.

Rooney’s agent, Paul Stretford, was hailed by a few to be a ‘genius’ after week-long discussions with Man Utd ended with their prized asset signing a new five-year deal worth, if you do some very rudimentary sums, around £40m.

I’m not sure how people came to that conclusion. Genius? If we apply that to his method of making money, yes. Fair enough. I’m sure he chewed on a very fat cigar last Friday.

PR genius? Er, no.

His first mistake was allowing any of this to go public. Footballers survive on one thing – fan loyalty. Once you lose the fans, you’re as good as gone. Therefore, relations between fan and player must be protected. Fans are the only constant in football and they’re the hardest to please; threatening the thin thread by which that relationship hangs is lunacy.

By arguing out such a vile contract dispute in full earshot of the entire world – one that is facing global economic problems – was distasteful, needless and downright stupid. Doing it during the week of the most important UK spending review in the last twenty years amounts to quite simply the most ignorant, insensitive, childish piece of PR I’ve ever witnessed. It wouldn’t compound the ill feeling, would it, Paul? Nah, ‘course not.

His second mistake was to encourage Rooney to insist his reasons for wanting to leave were down to a lack of club ambition. Doing so when you’ve hit rock bottom form-wise does nothing other than demonstrate how few brain cells you have limping around your vacuous cavern of a skull. Rooney hasn’t played well for months and, regardless of the reason behind it, is in no position to start demanding anything – least of all commitment – from a club he seems to have no problem distancing himself from the instant they refuse to  succumb to his wage demands.

And what about his fellow professionals? In one sweeping statement, he essentially labelled them all not-fit-for-purpose. That explains the flailing hand gestures whenever a pass or cross intended for him went awry (an irritating habit of Rooney’s which spilled into his England game and contributed in no small part to the subsequent dropping of Walcott from the World Cup squad).

There’s no doubting Rooney is potentially one of the best players this country has produced. But he is also one of the most petulant and displays a staggering inability to cope with being in the limelight.

If, as we keep being told, he simply wants to play football, I have a solution for him. Radical, but by far the safest for the already frail sanity of English football.

Quit. Live off your riches and play non-league football. Actually, why not five-a-side on Thursday nights for the local pub team? That way, Wayne gets his football fix and is free of the traps of the modern game.

And before you scoff at what sounds like a pointless, unworkable solution, just think: would we miss him? England wouldn’t. He’s been consistently the worst international performer for a long time and adds nothing to our team (I’m still waiting for someone to convince me otherwise). Would Utd miss him? On Sunday’s showing at Stoke, possibly not.

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Time to Lower Expectations and Ditch the Divine Right

As Ashley Cole stepped off the team coach on Sunday having earlier participated in England’s worst ever World Cup defeat, he laughed and joked casually with other members of the squad. This confirmed two things:

1. He really is thick as two short planks.

And

2. Our beloved England team have reached the end of an era.

The best suggestion I heard following the debacle we were subjected for on Sunday was that Premier League players should be banned from playing at international level. Instead, Championship players would get a chance to grace the world stage. And it makes sense. Not only would they display more passion, they’d be free of the traps bestowed upon our highest-paid stars. Traps of excessive fame and fortune which clearly give them a distorted view of their own footballing ability.

One thing has become abundantly clear over the last fortnight; not a single player in that England squad can ever be described as ‘world class’ ever again.

Take Wayne Rooney, who has unknowingly been poked at with the pointy end of my Tweets and Facebook status updates since the tournament began. He was hailed our talisman and the one player who would finally ignite the ability our team has to bring the World Cup home. An ability which has laid dormant since 1966.

In reality, he cast a lone, despondent shadow across every inch of pitch he covered. Which amounted to quite a lot, if truth be told. He simply kept running the wrong way; back into the congested midfield only to either a) foul someone, b) collide with Gerrard who was doing the exact same thing or c) give the ball away to the opposition.

The rate at which he did the latter was simply staggering.

This is a player who clearly had a big say in which of his team mates made it to South Africa. Walcott didn’t deserve to go but Rooney’s all too obvious reactions to every misplaced cross only served to help Capello make what must have been a difficult decision. I doubt it did Theo’s confidence much good, either.

By comparison, Rooney has played all four of England’s games at a tenth of Walcott’s effort during the qualifying campaign. The young lad who was unfairly taken to the last World Cup must be seething.

I don’t believe it’s the manager’s fault, regardless of some questionable substitutions and an insistence on playing a formation which didn’t lend itself to the players available. He simply seems to be saddled with the same guilt trip this country’s media lavishes on every England manager – whatever you do, don’t drop Wayne.

If we can hope for anything after this mess, its that Capello keeps the job he’s more than capable of fulfilling and becomes the one manager who shuns popular opinion and ditches the divine right. Rooney should play no more than a bit part until he proves he actually wants the caps which have come so easily to him thus far.

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