Big Brother Live Commentary

These NaBloPoMo posts are getting later and later which can only mean one thing – I’m letting it slip.

More pressing  is why I’m continuing to post a blog a day.  It’s not as if I’m going to win anything.  Not even a lousy M&S voucher, which everyone seems to be giving away these days.

So what to write about tonight?  I still enjoy taking the piss out of Big Brother and as it’s on whilst I type (in the background, being watched by my better half, I might add), now is as good a time as any for a live commentary.

They’re all sitting around a table discussing the latest shopping task.  I missed the challenge, but it no doubt involves Lycra, an orange, five goats and an electric shock machine.  It usually does.  And it’s always very dull.

The housemates are all still hateful, I’m happy to report.  Siovash is still dressing like Vivian Westwood and tonight appears to be sporting a hat made out of feathers.

Oh god, I had to stop there because that weird-beard Wolverine-wannabe just appeared on the screen.  Has anyone ever sported such crap face hair?  He doesn’t look like Wolverine.  He just looks like a tool.

That little brazilian kid appears to be talking now which is rather more than he was doing last time I watched this tawdry piece of shit (ref. Robert Webb).  He keeps saying random words, one after the other.  I think these rambles are supposed to constitute an argument, but the bloke he was saying them to looked just as confused as I feel.  He was quite irate just then, though, so that particular collection of words must have really meant something to him.

Craig from Big Brother 1 has just entered.  So, finally, they’ve given up and gone back to square one, literally.  Perhaps they’re going to replace all the nonentities in the current house with old housemates.  I’d probably watch that.  Particularly if they disposed of the current lot with death stars, or something.

Halfwit is now being interviewed by Craig at what appears to be a bus stop in the back garden.  He’s no Parky, Craig.  This interview is dire.

Are people still watching this?

Even my girlfriend’s gone to bed.

Am I actually the only person watching this.  And writing about it?  Live?

What am I doing?

Oh god, goodbye.

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