Random access excitement

It hadn't occurred to me that other people don't care. I'd not given a single thought to the fact that, outside the circular wall of my robot-addled brain, additional human beings inhabiting this planet may not give two (or even three) hoots about an impending album release. If you've spent any longer than one minute … Continue reading Random access excitement

Get naked? I’d buy an elephant.

Unfortunately, because this country is so screwed up about anything involving nakedness or sex, it is with little surprise that we find ourselves amidst an almighty uproar concerning Prince Harry partaking in a questionable game of pool whilst stark-bollock naked. This is poor form for a royal, say those who, ironically, have pictures of Harry's … Continue reading Get naked? I’d buy an elephant.

Child’s play

The sole aim of a sport we hoped would one day make Olympics, was to hit a tennis ball as high into the air as possible. Simple. I think there may have been some rudimentary scoring involved, and, had this taken part on a tennis court, it could quite easily have been dismissed as nothing but harmless, boyish fun.

British Smash

...in the ten years they've paid someone else to pump gas and electricity into my house, the only offer I've had from them is for boiler cover. Or a new boiler. Free of charge, I wondered? No, I'd have to pay for either, but they would send the nice smiley man you see on the adverts who definitely wouldn't rape me.

Thanks for the inspiration, Blatter

Struggling for postaweek2011 inspiration, I considered finally turning to the WordPress Post A Week blog to get the creative juices flowing. Unfortunately, I picked a day when they suggested I write about my least favourite school teacher. Don't get me wrong - there's plenty to go on - but I could only recall one teacher worth writing … Continue reading Thanks for the inspiration, Blatter

It’s ok to be complacent when technology is involved… isn’t it?

BOOM! Apple are monitoring your movements. They’re tracking your every move and they possess a detailed history of every place you’ve ever visited with your iPhone. Headlines similar to the scare-mongering guff above rang out from media outlets across the globe and, while most of the focus was on the sudden ability for spouses to discover where their … Continue reading It’s ok to be complacent when technology is involved… isn’t it?

You can swear, Wayne… just be a bit nicer about it

Alex Ferguson has today blasted the FA for pressuring referee Lee Mason into reporting Wayne Rooney for his foul-mouthed rant at a Sky TV camera. According to the eternally obnoxious Scot, they 'bullied' Mason into doing it so that they could fine the player. Quite an ironic surmise coming from one of the biggest bullies … Continue reading You can swear, Wayne… just be a bit nicer about it